Good Morning my lovely followers. I haven't been blogging that much, due to the fact that it's been the holiday seasons and I've been way busy and full of fear. Yes, fear my life since I was given my job at the wayward cafe has been fear driven. I don't allow my self to have faith. On this journey to be beautiful, I'm learning that getting skinny isn't the answer to all my problems. I have some issues that are keeping me stuck and I am finally willing to address them.
My biggest FEAR is being alone, because alone as a child for me was a painful experience. It meant spending endless hours alone In my room, where no one spoke to me unless I was being called names, lazy, fat, stupid, and I felt like a monster. I grew-up thinking I was meant to be alone and that followed me Thur life. When I was divorced the last thing my ex-husband said was "you just lost the real love of your life and now you will be cursed with being alone for the rest of your life" I have believed that for years. I have been lost in the fact that being alone meant, being without a man that I've been searching for Love and when it finally fell right in my lap, I lost it because I have a different idea of what being in a relationship means. Also I just keep telling myself I am alone, even when there are tons of people who love and care about me. I have so many wonderful people in my life and I have had so many wonderful people in my life. All who have made it possible for me to be surround in love and light!!
I'm ready too rid myself of this fear on being alone and have faith that I will meet a man that truly loves and cares about me. Until then I will follow my dreams,listen to my heart and do just what God made me for. I was put on earth to love my son, myself and the people that live on earth along with me. I am turning my focus to what is most important and making my goals.
1. Heal from the inside out. This means dealing with my pain and also loving myself.
A. Do the 21 day cleanse of my mind body and soul
B. Get a gym membership, yoga membership
C. buy a bike, go to the batting cages, take walks all over the city
2.Get a job as working at a coffeehouse full time 36-40 hours, as the lead barista, making good money plus tips and also a personal shoppers position.
A. Edit resume and Cover letter and post an ad for a personal shopper
B. Look on line for jobs, check out different coffee shops in the city and drop off resume and look for retail job that need personal shoppers
C. look for the right clothes for job interviews
3. Get a place so that Hunter can have his own room, backyard, and a dog to play with
A. save money( which means to extras, just focusing on working, taking care of my physical self and spending time with Hunter)
B. look for help I can get to move into a place'
C. file paper to get Hunter home
D. look for places
I am not giving up on following my dreams. I am going to achieve all of the goals I have listed. I am truly taking the next 3 months and doing the work I need to and focus on this Goals!! I will do just what I say I am going to do. I am also going to make a vow here, before all of you that I am going to stop online dating. To some of you this may seem funny, but I am addicted to online dating. I like the feeling of having a guy there to make me feel important, but I really need to be doing is focusing on a positive life for my son and I! I want to be able to be comfortable without looking for someone as my boyfriend. Just saying it makes me sounds like a jerk. I just need this time to walk Thur life comfortable enough in my own skin.
Being skinny isn't the answer to my happiness, the answer to my happiness does mean loving myself. I'm not saying I'm not going to work out and that I am not going to take care of myself. I am just not making my main focus losing weight. I am making my main focus loving myself and to live in faith!! To fill myself up with Love and light and to change my life one baby step at a time. I am going to start trusting myself and knowing that when I hear that voice inside me that I need to follow Thur and not give up. I can meet all of my goals and I will be doing just that!!
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