I have tired so many different weight loss ideas, but never a healthy weight loss. My mother started putting me on a diet in 4th grade. First it was herbal life, then it was cutting out certain foods, I've done all the fade diets, Akins, Sacred heart diet, I took diet pills, I've fasted, I detox, I've done no sugar, and by the time I was 14, I had decided to try others things. I stuck my finger down my throat, starved myself, I binged eat, because I go all day with out eating then go home where no one could see me and eat. I didn't just have a mother putting me on diets. I had a father that called me fat and would make comments about me eating, so I would eat alone in my room many days a week, because I felt like I had to hide eating from him. I didn't eat at school that much, because I got made fun of for being fat on a daily so I didn't like to eat around other kids and by the time I was a teenager I wanted to fit in so bad. I went on a diet with my friend, my senior year and lost weight, but this is the year I really found drugs and alcohol and that seemed to help the weight loss. To be honest I tried any drug that made me go fast just in hopes of getting skinny!! All that mattered was being skinny and when I started to loss weight from using drugs and people would tell me how great I looked, that is when I became hooked!! I had finally found a way to be beautiful and skinny and amazing. I never got sucked up, because I was always really chubby so I started to look thin and I got complemented all the time. I used drugs, until I got pageant with my son. I stopped doing drugs, stopped smoking, stopped drinking and I was hungry and I ate and ate. I gained 70 pounds in 9months and then a bit more after Hunter was born. At the peak of my marriage I was 300 pounds. I lost 30 pounds after the divorce, but since then I have never weighted less then 220 pounds. I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to wear my clothes so tight. My back hurts, my tummy hurts, I am so tired and lazy. I can't take it anymore.
It's also very challenging when I date. As I have talked about this before I'm online dating. I never had a boyfriend in High School and I am pretty sure guys where not interested in me, because I was fat. So the first relationship I ever got into was Travis( my ex husband) I really believed that he was going to be the only man that loved me. This I have since found out was not true, but I have also noticed that I date really insecure men that treat me poorly to feel better about who they are. I literally pick the guy that is the most insecure and is going to treat me like the biggest asshole and say hey, I think I need you to date me and treat me like I'm a cow. I repeat this pattern each and everyday!! I've been online dating for a while now. Dating is a caught 22, because I find that fat or not guys are still very attracted to me. I still get asked out on dates and I still meet very nice and successful men. I also find I attracted a certain type of man, because I still dislike myself very much and also because I am not taking care of my body, which is part of showing my soul that I love it. I honestly can not date one more guy that is going to tell me how much prettier I would be if I lost 40 pounds!! I can't go out with another guy that says I should be lucky he spend time with him, because he is good looking and he can score hotter women!! I think I am just getting tired of dating. It's the same thing over and over excepting different result!!
I also want to be in good shape so I can play beach volleyball,I can play hours of football and soccer with my son, I can run a marathon, I can wear a really sexy tight dress and not have to cover up, I can take hikes way up in the mountains, I can swim laps, dance salsa, I can ride a bike to work and I have always wanted to long board. I want to wear a tube top, a bikini, I can wear a top showing my mid drift, I can have sex comfortably and I can walk around naked, I can wear barely any clothes in the summer and I don't want to hide my body and I can wear all the latest fashion, I want to snowboard, rock climb and just live an active life. I want to attracted friends that are into the same thing, because I need a push and a jump start. I also really really want to do yoga and Hot yoga 4 days a week!!
Losing weight will happen and I will do it, but I just need the push. I am going to start putting it out there that I am looking for a walking buddy that would also push me to start running. I am adding something to this week goal No eating after 7p.m and a food journal. Last night I had a yummy dinner and a little treat and then a few hours later I found myself looking in the kitchen for food. I didn't eat anything Thank God, but I caught myself and realized I was tired grabbed a glass of water and went to bed!!
Here are some great online resources I have been using. I refuse to pay for anything right now, but I am reading and taking in ideas and adding thing to my life that will help.
Jillian Michaels website told me about my bosy shape, my excerise patterns and gave me fitness idea, I was also given information how I metabalis food.
http://www.jillianmichaels.com/free-custom-weight-loss-plan.aspx
www.marcandangel.com
This web site below showed me how to set up a food journal.
http://weightloss.about.com/od/getstarted/ss/designjournal.htm
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