Alcohol consumes my life

I had a rough weekend. It was a painful eye opener. I have let alcohol consume my life once again. I know to some people it may not seem that way, but they don't live inside of me. This greatly effected my weight loss journey and also effect my life. To be honest Seattle is very lonely for me. Not just because I moved here with no one, but because I deal with a inner demon that the people around me don't understand. I think about alcohol all the time. I want to drink everyday and if I could get away with it I would. I control my drinking, but there comes a point that when I consume it, I can't stop drinking. This effect everything from my mood, what I eat, how may cigarettes I smoke, how much coffee I drink and how much sugar I consume. Alcohol seems to make all my problems fade away until I'm sitting passed out on a street corner or chocking on my own puke. I know it's effecting my life when  I tell my son I will do something and I don't follow Thur. I know it consumes me when I am lying to people around me. When I am sick for 3 day in a row.

The real reason I don't drink during the week is because I can't get drunk, because I won't stop drinking and then I'll call sick into work. I'll take days off to drink. I'll be homeless on the streets. I am scared where I am headed. I know that before I even really focus on my weight loss journey I have to stop drinking. I am not going to achieve any of my goals or dreams if I don't quit drinking. I can't be there for my son.  Last night my son said " My Mom are you drinking"I had to tell him the truth and when the words came out of my mouth I started to cry and my 7 year old son gave me a kiss on the forehead and said " I need you to be sober" I can't find it in me to stop drinking. I am lonely here in Seattle. My family is far away. My son lives with his Dad. Being in Spokane is so much different then in Seattle. In Spokane I have friends that will let me sit on there couch and help me deal with my lonely feeling and will hold my hand Thur this. I don't have that in Seattle and I'm afraid if I don't find it I will not get sober. I need help. I need help to get me jump started and I need help to live a sober life once again.

I'm not sure how to find happiness, or how to stop drinking,but I know that in order to truly lose the weight I need I have to stop drinking. I am not a weirdo. I am not crazy and I am not a loser,because I realized I have a problem with alcohol. It just means I have to do something about it and I am not sure really where to start.